Creating Black Belt Parents

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You may think, from this title, I am talking about getting parents enrolled in your martial art program.  While this would be one goal, what I am talking about is totally opposite.  For example if we claim to help a student to get in shape and lose weight but don’t really follow up on them as they are training inquiring about their diet, their daily practice and try to continually redirect and reinforce a lifestyle which is conducive to losing weight and getting in shape, then we are falling short of our responsibilities.  Our goal is to treat each and every student as individuals.  I know how hard that can be, but the harder we work at it, the better off all of us will be.

We are only a piece of the team, I only see most of my students 2-3 hours per week and in only three hours I can’t do it all.  I always do my best to create a team, between, the student, the parents and my instructors.  It is my goal to get the parents on board and ask them to become an active part of their child’s martial arts experience.  If I am not doing that then eventually I will fail.  I will give you an example: Just recently one of my Black Belt Youth students decided to quit.  I had just recently had a conversation and talked to him about his goals and he told me he was excited to continue and take his training to the next level. 

Within a week, his dad called and told me his son no longer wanted to train.  I was surprised but not shocked.  The reason why I had the conversation was I could see he was de-motivated. When I pressed for a reason, the dad said “he is bored and feels he is not progressing, he is doing the same thing over and over.”  You may have had a conversation like this in the past, I then explained how repetition is everything and we must continue to perfect the spirit and become great at what we do before moving on.  He said, “well, I am not going to force him, it is his decision.”  I then said “well, if that were the case he would be doing anything he wanted right?”  The dad then replied “Well, it is his decision and the conversation was over.”  Now let me go a bit back in time, nearly two years ago, this same dad helped his son through his black belt test physical preparing by walking and running with his son.  The dad lost 60 pounds.  He was so thankful he even bought as a gift a scale for my school, hoping other dads would do the same thing.  Wow in only two years, he forgot, it takes effort and time, he needed to be part of the equation and encourage his child not to make a silly decision. The problem is we didn’t continue to reinforce the benefits with him and his child, so that success was easily forgotten.   

Again, the goal is to build a team, to hold the parents accountable, to explain fully how they are responsible as well.  It is not just our job at the martial arts school, it is the parents job as well.  It is the same analogy – when a parent blames a public school teacher because their child is failing.  Truly a teacher can be part of the equation, but if the teacher is failing do we sit back and allow our children to become failures? Of course not!  It is our duty to always oversee the progress of our children, the bottom line is they are our children.  I know my daughter is my sole responsibility, if she fails, I have no one to blame but myself.  So isn’t it important for us to impart this wisdom on the parents in our school.  Do your best to educate and communicate if a child succeeds, it is a Team effort, you as the instructor, the child as the student and the parent as the motivating force behind the child’s growth. 

For more information on this you can easily email me and I will share with you more tips.   Kyoshi@lininja.com or you canbecomea member of  www.takingitothenextlevel.com.Also,don't forget to pick up a copy of my book - Martial Art Business101 -Hooyah Living the Dream - www.atouchofzen.com

 

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Comments

  • 7/12/2010 8:15 PM Tim Bell wrote:
    Great post Sir...And such an important lesson...Thanks for the reminder.
    Reply to this
  • 7/15/2010 8:15 AM Mark wrote:
    Keeping parents involved is the key. Thanks for the great advice.
    Reply to this
  • 7/18/2010 9:43 AM Adam wrote:
    Kyoshi, it is 100% true that we all have had similar situations. Question; do you think it is a good idea to have the Parents become aware of this habit by reading and signing an "Assistant coach" agreement pledge when they sign up to help us help their child? And if so, could you write it with your unique "Way of words."
    Reply to this
    1. 7/19/2010 4:24 PM Allie Alberigo - Kyoshi wrote:
      Dear Renshi - I do think it is good to get the parents involved. We have a saying, that has often gotten me in trouble. We say "Behind every demotivated student is a demotivated parent."  You may ask why has this gotten me in trouble.  Well, most recently I told that to a mom that was allowing he child  to quit.  But I didn't leave it at that.  I explained it is not that the parents are demotivated as parents or in life, just in the very intent to fight for their child's continued quest to train in the martial arts.  It is obvious that at times kids, teens and adults will want  to quit.  Unfortunately parents forget that this happens continuously.  I have asked this question to parents "What if they wanted to quit taking baths, or brushing their teeth, or school."  Their usual response is this isn't school.  But it is.  It is a vital tool or weapon in the the child or parents arsenal to help shape and structure their children's lives.  It is essential to making them achieve greatness.

      So my answer to your question is of course it is always good to have parents fully committed, on board and a part of what they are doing.  The more involved the less likely they are to become worn down and demotivated.  Just like I told the mom at my school, your demotivated to push your child to do martial arts.  They don't realize how beneficial it will be to their future.  After all, I know this, I have lived it. I have many students who have used their martial arts in self-defense, but I have 10 times more who have used it to structure, create and develop the most incredible future always.  Sometimes they don't even know I had anything to do with it. They forget were they learned about integrity, goal setting, life-skills, healthy living etc.  It is a covert action to greatness. 

      Sorry about the long winded answer, but I think you get what I mean.

       
      Reply to this
      1. 7/20/2010 10:44 AM Adam wrote:
        Thanks Kyoshi, Point well taken. I will draft something up for you to look at and maybe others could use it as well.
        Reply to this
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