Every since I began my training as a young martial arts student I never truly knew how much impact my teachers would have had on my life.   In the beginning classes were just classes, starting at the age of three years old, it had to be fun or else I wasn’t having a good time.  As I grew my desire to become a better martial artist became more and more prevelant.  As much as I want to believe that was due to maturity, both mentally and physically I realize that the desire was installed 40% by myself and family and 60% my teachers.  Really at such a young age how was I to even have an opinion unless I had some relevance to start to establish my own.  So the reality was my opinion was formed based on the lessons I was learning.  So in reality my opinion was not necessarily only my own it was a reflection of what I was presented with throughout my life lessons.  Almost seems like a brainwashing method but if you think about life is a series of references.  If you are taught at young age to have an optimistic outlook you may lean more toward being optimistic, if you are taught otherwise you may lean in that direction.

            Throughout my life I have had many teachers some better then others.  At times the teacher was perfect but my mentality at the time made me think otherwise.  Other times the teacher was not the right fit for me, or just didn’t have the same core values that I had established.  All in all the age old saying – when the student is ready the teacher will appear hold true to this date.  There is a lesson in everything, from a bad situation to a great one.  Not all the time is positive re-enforcement the only lesson to learn, sometimes through hard times, struggles, failures, blood, sweat and tears the best lessons seem to surface.  There was a great story I read and was later put into a movie with David Carradine.  The story was of a man that was on a journey to discover the secrets of life. He was told to travel across the world to find the book of knowledge, with each step he ran into difficulties, trials and tribulations.  Half way through the journey he ran into a man that was putting a beautiful woman on a canoe with her very handsome son 15 year old son.  Just as he arrived they were loading the boat with food and supplies.  The man watched this as a blind man arrived to the boat.  The journey man thought this was a relative when he witness him crash the young man in the face breaking his nose and bloodying his face. 

            The women screamed at the blind man and asked for the journey mans assistance. The journey man approached and asked the blind man in a forceful tone why he did what he did.  The blind man responded by saying I did what needed to be done, this young man’s looks would of caused him much pain in the future.  The journey laughed at this answer and demanded more proof. The blind man said it was not necessary that the proof will reveal itself in due time.  The blind man then walked away.  No more then 5 minutes went by when a group of warriors on horse back came through the small village and started slaying every young man they could find.  They yelled by the orders of the king any man that was as good looking as the king must die.  They turned to the boy in the boat and saw his face and then rode on.  The women began to cry as she held her boy.  She then looked at the blind man as a savior rather then a bad man as she once looked before.

            This example may be extreme for many people to understand but the reality is that sometimes the lessons may not present it self in the context that you are used to or are capable of understanding.  The goal when dealing with your teacher is to trust in the teacher’s judgment.  Once that trust is gone, then you must make a change.  A relationship that is second guessed is not ever going to work.  You will never truly be happy with the lessons, because you will always look for the motives rather then trusting in the lesson.   Not every will agree with everything that I say or do as at teacher but what most of the Black Belts will agree with is sometimes they have trusted and the outcome was favorable in their direction.  The question is how many times have they resisted and missed out.  As long as a relationship with a student and teacher is not abusive and negative, sometimes the harshness of the lesson is brutally painful and beneficial.

            Is it that a shy person can be forced out of their shell by extreme measures?  Of course, is it also possible that it may take a more suttle approach – this is also absolutely true?  Which approach is correct, well to be honest it may take a blend of the both, just like a parent the teacher may not always succeed in all of their attempts, but sometimes in the process the student and the teacher learn together on how to make this relationship work.    Just recently I had a situation with a student of 8 years, I made the student feel very uncomfortable but didn’t intend to.  In reality I was only joking and never intended to upset or offend the student.  The sad reality is it happened.  I believe the student took it all wrong, he believed that I was wrong. The bottom line is right or wrong it should of never gone beyond that moment.  As a student, they should not walk away with feelings that could influence them into the future.  The moment is only the moment and should not affect the future.  This is called letting go.  The lesson is not to let it upset them.  Not to say that the student was wrong feeling the way they did, this is their choice, not to say that if I didn’t joke the way I did, he wouldn’t be upset, but the very fact that it elevated was were the lesson was missed. 

Normally, if the relationship is good, the understanding should be of respect and understanding that it was not intended to offend, hurt or upset.  Even if the truth was it did, the lesson is to let it go and just relax and learn from it. This lesson is the hardest. 

Here is another example.  What if I looked you in the eyes and told you that you were fat.  Possibly you were a bit unsure if you were or were self conscious of your weight; it would offend and hurt you.  If you were skinny and had six pack abs, it would bother you a bit.  Let’s say it in different terms. What if you were wearing a yellow shirt and I said that was the ugliest red shirt you would be totally sure that it was a joke and it held no water.  The lesson is in not taking it to heart. 

Many times as a teacher I may have to raise my voice, constructively criticize or even possibly harshly criticize for effect.  The tone, attitude and methodology may upset someone when the other person may say it is just Kyoshi trying to help.  He cares enough to put the effort forward and help me overcome my obstacles.

For more information on this you can easily email me and I will share with you more tips.   Kyoshi@lininja.com or you can become a member of  www.takingitothenextlevel.com.Also, don't forget to pick up a copy of my book - Martial Art Business101 - Hooyah Living the Dream - www.atouchofzen.com